Boldly They Rode: Kurland Here. This is Kurland.
Boldly They Rode
A familiar voice of command assured me, “Now that we have the aid of one of the Founders, we should have no trouble convincing the Jem’Hadar at Deep Space 9 to stand down and return to the Gamma Quadrant.” I wanted to believe her, despite the fact that Kar’ukan had basically told a Founder to go to Gre’thor recently.
Approaching DS9 in my Klingon Battlecruiser, I beamed aboard a Jem’Hadar ship for no apparent reason and received a pat on the head from the Vorta, Eraun, who told me I had “performed adequately so far.” My Klingon heart swelled with pride at such high praise from such a respected individual, so I refrained from disemboweling the sycophantic petaQ on the spot, and I merely said “Let’s get on with this mission.”
Eraun reminded me that I was just there as a courtesy, and urged me to try not to get in the way. As a proud Klingon warrior, I simply nodded at that and said, “I expect a swift resolution.” It seemed natural, for some reason. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder what his hide might feel like as a seat cushion for my helm officer, who has recently complained about her accomodations.
At that point, the Founder said something which my Universal Translator rendered as “Nagging Intensifies” before Eraun asked me to operate their communications console. I had no idea how to read Jem’Hadar, so I just hit buttons until Loriss appeared onscreen. Good thing I didn’t hit self-destruct by accident! Why would Eraun think I have any clue how to work his ship?
Loriss tried halfheartedly to talk the obviously crazy Jem’Hadar out of occupying DS9, but she proved that her diplomacy training began and ended with “I am Vorta, obey.” Again, Kar’ukan told the Dominion where it could shove it. Luckily, the Federation’s Kurland was on the scene.
[Kurland Here]
Kurland began with a joke, a way to break the tension. “Don’t tell me…there’s a problem.”
Oh, Kurland.
I told him that as a trained Klingon warrior, I was prepared to spacewalk along DS9’s hull, but…space gets so, so lonely. I asked if he would stay with me, keep talking to me.
Of course he would. “Kurland here.” “This is Kurland.” “Kurland here, come in.”
Yes. There is only Kurland. I understand now.
There is only Kurland.
No! We have to rescue Deep Space…Kurland.
Kurland here. Come in.
This is Kurland.
There is only Kurland now.
Only Kurland.
Only Kurland.
Kurland here.
