So What Constitutes Maturity

Hi all this is Grimhilda Wolfclaw, aka Grim or Lost, from Guildwars 2's Stonewall Vangaurds. The subject says it all. I was talking to Cata in guild chat the other day about why I still feel like a kid at almost 30. So fellow members, what would you say constitutes maturity? Also do you yourself feel you are mature. Just a random question to get to know everyone better. ^.^

Honestly, I think maturity has to do with how you treat other people and less with what you like to do with your time. Mature people seem to have the ability to put their own ego aside when they need to. In addition, there is often an ability to compromise on things. There's greater sensitivity for the concerns and needs of others. When I think of immature behavior, I don't think of silliness. I usually think of people who act like jerks.

So I made the post and didnt answer the question myself. I find maturity to be a combination of things. Life experience to know what needs to be done and when to ask for help. To know that there is a time and place for things. To have a life plan, goals and security set up for yourself. To have seen some form of adversity and have risen above it. I think those things and being able to understand and express yourself in a positive way really shows maturity. I also find that at times I fall short of this ideal. HEY im workin on it! lol

I think both your definitions are excellent.

For me, it’s also knowing about when to speak and when to keep quiet on an issue, and about knowing yourself well too. When people are aggravating you, or a situation is getting you down – maturity is knowing that it might be the way ‘you’ are perceiving the situation or person, and not the other way around, and being able to act in a positive way when you are feeling very negative.

Quote by Lost.7805

... I find maturity to be a combination of things. Life experience to know what needs to be done and when to ask for help. To know that there is a time and place for things. To have a life plan, goals and security set up for yourself....

I'm going to agree to disagree with you on a couple of points. /wink

I have met 5 year olds who are far more mature than some adults I've met. So life experience is not withstanding in so far as a definition of...maturity. Life goals and plans and the like are accomplishments...someone can accomplish something very important...and be a complete ass and very immature.

I loved this question by the way as I had to think about this for some time and I have come to the conclusion that maturity is a natural gift by way of genetics more than likely...very much the same way one is naturally humorous or their nature is to be helpful...this is what I mean when I call it a natural gift.

When maturity (their natural gift) is applied by said person of any given age, their maturity is evaluated by others and the inevitable outcome one desires is to be addressed or looked upon with respect in that you as a person elevated yourself above a situation that would normally be perceived as above your age or pay-grade sort-of-speak. Where in you are perceived by not only yourself as "mature" but also by the witnesses of your communication, actions or inaction's where the outcome is "respect."

Once you can look upon yourself with "self-respect" followed by the respect of others....you are now for that moment considered....Mature, at any age.

Disclaimer: Maturity is not a lifelong natural gift like having blue-eyes....you must work for respect to always be viewed as mature or you will from time to time (as we all have) been labeled immature.

To prove my theory, go to the Main Chat channel in GW2 and watch the comments. The first person to elevate themselves above the rest of the bs will be viewed by you with respect and then automatically labeled as "mature." Then the first person who says something that totally removes your respect for them...you will automatically label them as "immature." During this process you will not know how old these people are at all.

Case and point. :)

/salute

I have a very good memory of my childhood and teenage years. That said, I have a very strong memory of how mature my father was. He was a cruel and bigoted man, but he was never immature about it. Over the past few years though, as I have watched him age into his late 60s, his maturity has ebbed and he behaves like a 12 year old.

This is not something unique to my father, though. Our lives are rather circuitous; we begin life unable to walk, incontinent, frail, weak, emotionally stunted and with a brain that has yet to develop. We end our lives, if we live long enough, in much the same situation.

Of course, some people never really emotionally develop beyond their teenage years. Something not really that uncommon. There is a lot of facilitation in this, I feel, from the modern media. Immaturity and passive aggressive behaviour is still glamourised by movies and television. Sarcasm is funny on TV and films, as are overgrown children; and more and more people are being raised by TV. As a Gen X'r, born in the 70s, I had two parents who worked full time. For a large part of my childhood, being a latchkey kid, I was raised by the TV. Fortunately (and unfortunately) during the summer, my parents would take me to their office to keep an eye on me. (Hated that place).

Moving on; I believe that, for the most part, I behave very maturely towards others. I also, however, believe that I am inwardly quite immature. I still look very young, still feel very young, still sound very young, and still have very immature thoughts and feelings.

So, most people I know (including my therapist) would insist that I am a very mature person; despite this, however, I must disagree. I do know myself better than they do, after all.

So what is maturity? Will I ever grow up on the inside? Will that make me mature? Has anyone ever really "grown up" on the inside?

Or is Mr. Spock a good example of maturity. Raging emotions at his core, but with complete control over what he expresses?

Quote by Angelsilhouette

Moving on; I believe that, for the most part, I behave very maturely towards others. I also, however, believe that I am inwardly quite immature. I still look very young, still feel very young, still sound very young, and still have very immature thoughts and feelings.

So, most people I know (including my therapist) would insist that I am a very mature person; despite this, however, I must disagree. I do know myself better than they do, after all.

So what is maturity? Will I ever grow up on the inside? Will that make me mature? Has anyone ever really "grown up" on the inside?

Or is Mr. Spock a good example of maturity. Raging emotions at his core, but with complete control over what he expresses?

Being very youthful at heart by no means makes you immature....you missed the point. If everyone around you respects you then you are rightfully perceived as being mature...when you do something that would cause people to speak badly of you for lack of respect then you have done something immature. Thinking about robbing a bank doesn't make you a bank robber in the same respect feeling immature doesn't make a person immature as such...until you let it all hang out...then you get what you get.....labels...and not nice ones either. :)

Quote by Angelsilhouette

If everyone around you respects you then you are rightfully perceived as being mature...when you do something that would cause people to speak badly of you for lack of respect then you have done something immature.

This doesn't quite follow. If your peer group is immature, then doing immature things will make them respect you. Likewise doing something mature, backing down from a completely avoidable fight for instance, might cause them to lose respect for you. "When did you become such a chicken$#!@?"

I don't think it's even about doing what's right; after all, there's a mature way to do what's right and an immature way to do it.

Perhaps it is consideration for others and empathy that makes up maturity. But if it was, doing things like pulling my shirt over my head and running around in circles until I fall down (for laughs, mind you) while making silly noises because I'm pretending to have Mad Cow disease wouldn't be immature so long as I wasn't being inconsiderate in the process. (But it kinda is immature.)

Maybe it is consideration, empathy, and being boring? :3

Quote by Siafu

When maturity (their natural gift) is applied by said person of any given age, their maturity is evaluated by others and the inevitable outcome one desires is to be addressed or looked upon with respect in that you as a person elevated yourself above a situation that would normally be perceived as above your age or pay-grade sort-of-speak. Where in you are perceived by not only yourself as "mature" but also by the witnesses of your communication, actions or inaction's where the outcome is "respect."

Ok to help you understand what I said: "When maturity (their natural gift) is applied by said person of any given age, their maturity is evaluated by others and the inevitable outcome one desires is to be addressed or looked upon with respect..."

The outcome (of what you are doing) in so far as I can tell, is not to produce "respect" your desired outcome is to produce "Humor!" by way of acting silly. Humor is Humor and this is all together evaluated in a completely different way than when someone is being evaluated for...maturity. When someone acts like a baby during sex for example (this can arguably) be called immature behavior...I don't believe so....it's silly humor and has nothing to do with self-respect or the respect of your partner, someone who would do this is just being creative, thinking outside of the proverbial box...and it's funny.

If you are finding it hard to believe that your family and friends and therapist are all saying that you are mature and you don't want to believe them....then feel free to believe what you think you are. Frankly, I'm finding your communication over this point...rather mature...so now you have one more person who supports the evaluation....I'm sorry if you are somehow wanting that outcome to be different.

/wink :)

Quote by Lost.7805

So I made the post and didnt answer the question myself. I find maturity to be a combination of things. Life experience to know what needs to be done and when to ask for help. To know that there is a time and place for things. To have a life plan, goals and security set up for yourself. To have seen some form of adversity and have risen above it. I think those things and being able to understand and express yourself in a positive way really shows maturity.

Life experience can come quickly or slowly. It depends on the person. It is not really the age that matters. For instance. A 5 year old may have a very mature reaction to something. That was not a natural occurance in my opinon. It was the parents and what was taught to the child. How was that childs problem solving skills developed in the first place. As for the commentary about being funny or doing something percived by others as immature. Like I said, there is a time and a place for humor and downright sillyness. I belive maturity is understanding when that time and place is. Example. Person A is at a funeral and disagrees with how the funeral was done. They decide that after the funeral and approate grieving time, to possible question the person who set up the funeral. In a polite and calm manner. trying to see it from that persons perspective and understand the choices. (Mature way to do it)
Person B. Makes a scene is rude and is very disrespectful to fellow mourners. Then at the wake decides it would be a good idea to bad mouth the person who set the whole thing up. (Immature)
Both people were mad, but 1 decided that there was a time and place for the anger and delt with it properly. Thats the other fun thing about maturity. We all have diffrent views on what makes a person mature. Its why I love this question. By expressing what you find to be maturity, you inadvertantly express whats important to you in life. Mostly because its drilled in our heads that you should always be mature. Some people find that always being honest is a sign of maturity. Showing that the value honesty. Food for thought ^.^

Very interesting question and some great responses. For me, maturity in the simplest sense means reaching the end of a cycle, or maybe something more along the lines of developing fully. As human beings, I don't we'll ever reach that point in an absolute sense-were constantly learning and changing based on our experiences. I also think the definition itself varies based on the perspective/person as it involves some degree of judgment. What’s “appropriate” varies. IE- if someone stands up against a bigot - that action may be viewed as mature by one person because "(s)he stood up for what's 'right' – (s)he was mature"; however another person might find the action immature because ignoring the bigot was a more appropriate and mature action.

Quote by Lost.7805

For instance. A 5 year old may have a very mature reaction to something. That was not a natural occurrence in my opinion. It was the parents and what was taught to the child. How was that child's problem solving skills developed in the first place.

I realize this was a statement and not a question but I'm going to add the ? to the end of your statement and explain:

Even though parents do try to instill maturity in their kids. I don't believe "maturity" in anyone is so much a taught and learned behavior as your statement suggests. It's my opinion that is is a natural gift...and a deep or shallow well this person draws from to react or take no action at all.

This is why some people or even kids have a loosely measurable maturity level that would seem to fill up an 18-wheeler were as some others maturity levels might not fill a coffee cup. Parents teaching and guidance (or other influences) are actually the polish and shaping on something that is already there... a base formula if you wish...that is already there in abundance or barely at all.

So for example...your five year old comes home from school and recounts that a bully was picking on some smaller weaker kid and your child intervened and not only confronted the bully physically to stop him from what he was doing but he also reported the entire matter to lets say a guidance counselor. You the parent have taught your child that fighting is wrong and mind your own business...and yet he/she disregards your teaching and influence and did what he did to stop the bully.

Under these conditions and similar other ones...one has to ask...where did this level of maturity come from? When all things he/she was taught would have dictated a very different reaction or inaction from this child.

These particular set of circumstances are called, "surprises!" Where you would turn around as the parent and think or say..."WoW! I didn't know my kid had that in him / her!"

I absolutely respect that many of you want to believe that mental maturity (not physical) maturity literally comes from long life experiences and teaching from other people, family and friends and the like...but a very basic core foundation of maturity is something you already have.....ALL the rest that comes after your ability to analyze any given situation...is more and more polish and shaping on a very unique and natural ability..that will play out circumstantially as your life gets longer.

Then all hell will break loose (sometimes) when perspective by other people enters the picture...and the reason that happens is all too obvious. Different strokes for different folks.

Quote by mcavey

... I also think the definition itself varies based on the perspective/person as it involves some degree of judgment. What’s “appropriate” varies. IE- if someone stands up against a bigot - that action may be viewed as mature by one person because "(s)he stood up for what's 'right' – (s)he was mature"; however another person might find the action immature because ignoring the bigot was a more appropriate and mature action.

You are 100% correct my friend! :)

Having a disagreement without flipping out is always a good sign of maturity to me.

I’m glad this post got bumped, I’d forgotten all about it and had meant to comment because I just turned 30 on Monday. Maturity to me is learned system of behavior based on the sum of our life experiences in order to help us accomplish our goals as we move through life. I don’t know that a genetic predisposition towards or against maturity has as strong or far-reaching an influence compared to all of life’s potential curve balls. Is there such a thing as preprogramed traits in our genetic codes? Sure, but like my favorite pirates say; I think they’re really more like guidelines. As human beings our greatest trait is our ability to learn, adapt and grow beyond what some seem to consider our original programming.

I will concede that there are certain base traits that can’t really be overridden like sexual preference; was I born liking boys? No, I was a baby for heaven’s sake! Was I born to like boys when I got a little older? Oh my, yes ! but it would take many years to come to grips with that fact. Looking back I can now see the signs and I’m sure my parents did too. Was I always mild mannered and calm? Yeah, pretty much. When a child acts older than their years it’s called being precocious- a delightful word- but it doesn’t mean that they were born with a charm school degree embedded in their DNA, they could have learned the behavior from any number of sources not counting their parents. I feel I need to point out that kids learn a lot more from their parents then just what their parents intend to teach them. They watch, they listen and they learn all the time and those tiny, barely developed wheels begin to turn.
My family agrees that I’m very much like my maternal Grandfather, he died when I was 10. I take it as an amazingly humbling compliment because he was the kindest, most hard working and unselfish person I’ve ever known and he did everything he could for his family without complaint until it pretty much killed him. Minus the working to death part I strive to follow his example and it was a long time before I began to take on a similar role in my own family. At the time I didn’t want it; I wanted to finish college and enjoy my newfound social life and pursue all of my own interests. I had to take over my fraternal Grandmother’s affairs and household because my Dad was irresponsibly running it into the ground like a self-indulgent teenager with a very overblown sense of entitlement. He was pulling some shenanigans with her bank and her retirement funds and I had to step in and be the adult even though I didn’t know what the heck I was doing and things got rather cold between us. He wasn’t always like that and he taught me a lot about being easygoing and he made sure me and my younger siblings had a pretty cool childhood.

When I was little I resented my Mom for all the rules and limitations and dictates she tried to put on me; teaching me how to do chores, cleaning my room, not going out until I finished my homework, disciplining me when I’d been bad. As an adult I completely get it now, because I learned my lesson and it stuck, the problem is that some lessons don’t always stick or something traumatic happens to create a new set of behavioral patterns. Case in point: my little brother was with my Grandfather when he died, he was 7 years old. My Grandpa suffered a massive heart attack right outside of the Doctor’s office, they later said that he was dead before his head even hit the ground. My brother had to hold his head in his lap while my Grandmother ran in to get help. My brother has been in jail 4 times and in prison twice for drug use, dealing and trafficking in stolen merchandise. He was always the more aggressive one, more rambunctious and energetic but my Grandpa knew how to channel that into constructive pursuits because they were both really good with their hands and machines. I wonder what my little brother would have been like if he’d had Grandpa in his life for a few more years.

So for me maturity is about being a big boy in as many facets of your life as you can. Responsibility is key and putting aside your wants and needs for a something that is more important than yourself. I don’t think using one’s peers is the best frame of reference for determining maturity because one: it can indicate an underlying need for others approval and two: Depending on the group and circumstances, it can potentially be way too subjective. But inside, yeah I do still feel like a kid. Less awkward and a lot less melodramatic or focused on myself, and I learned a while ago that acting mature is the best way to make friends and lead an enjoyable life. I suppose at first you could say I was faking it, but after a while it became second nature, but I don’t think it was ever first nature.

Quote by Jasonmillard

"When a child acts older than their years it’s called being precocious- a delightful word- but it doesn’t mean that they were born with a charm school degree embedded in their DNA...

Quote by Siafu

I absolutely respect that many of you want to believe that mental maturity (not physical) maturity literally comes from long life experiences and teaching from other people, family and friends and the like...but a very basic core foundation of maturity is something you already have.....ALL the rest that comes after your ability to analyze any given situation...is more and more polish and shaping on a very unique and natural ability..that will play out circumstantially as your life gets longer.

A very basic core foundation: is not a degree in charm school. :)

I hope my writing style did not leave anyone thinking...that was what I meant that a child was born with a maturity degree in hand....that would be an absolutely not...even from me. :)

Now to the "sticking to my guns on a theoretical basis"...on this other point.

I have read and understand the research that a child's "Sexual Identity," is determined at the age of 5...there are scientific studies to more than solidify that issue. Maturity / immaturity is an altogether different beast.

Quote by Jasonmillard

I suppose at first you could say I was faking it, but after a while it became second nature, but I don’t think it was ever first nature.

pre·co·cious
adjective \pri-ˈkō-shəs\ (Medical Dictionary)
Medical Definition of PRECOCIOUS
1
: exceptionally early in development or occurrence
2
: exhibiting mature qualities at an unusually early age
—pre·co·cious·ly adverb
—pre·co·cious·ness noun

Got it :) Now the only remaining X is how early? These dictionaries do not specify an age."

Signs of Maturity: What Does It Mean to “Grow Up?” By: Dr. Gerald Stein


http://drgeraldstein.wordpress.com/2009/09/03/signs-of-maturity-what-does-it-mean-to-grow-up/

This was a lengthy read and very fascinating...so grab your coffee cup....

I was thrilled to read this as a definition of "Matuity," I'm still searching however for someone or anyone to actually put an "age" to when the very first signs of maturity or immaturity are exhibited.

From this thread written by Dr. Gerald Stein, I picked out (what I am going to bold print now) and use it carefully and loosely to support my theory that signs of maturity and immaturity can begin with infancy."

Dr. Stein references: Adlai Stevenson II, in his 1954 speech at the senior class dinner of his Alma Mater, Princeton University. These 55-year-old words spoken by the 54-year-old Stevenson are as appropriate now as then:

"What he knows at fifty that he did not know at twenty boils down to something like this: The knowledge he has acquired with age is not the knowledge of formulas, or forms of words, but of people, places, actions — a knowledge not gained by words but by touch, sight, sound, victories, failures, sleeplessness, devotion, love — the human experiences and emotions of this earth and of oneself and other men; and perhaps, too, a little faith, and a little reverence for things you cannot see…"

Quote by Siafu

This is why some people or even kids have a loosely measurable maturity level that would seem to fill up an 18-wheeler were as some others maturity levels might not fill a coffee cup. Parents teaching and guidance (or other influences) are actually the polish and shaping on something that is already there... a base formula if you wish...that is already there in abundance or barely at all.

I alluded to a base formula, before I read this Doctor's theory.

a knowledge not gained by words but by touch, sight, sound...in as far as my opinion is concerned all infants are influenced by:

touch, sight, sound

:side: