A Rant, or talk, or something.

Trials and tribulations, I found it was hard when I first talked to my mother many years ago about dating men. My step father at the time blamed me for the end of their marriage. Good man just well very far behind the times in social progress. So in those years since then there has been little support, only from a few friends and a lot of nervous jokes from others.

Though I did get a lot of "That guy is just wrong for you you know that right." From friends who where not the most comfortable with me being well me. Though in all that time and mostly from a healthy fear of the area I live in (Repressed Red Neck hell where they sooner beat you up then talk to you) I have chosen to go forward with a goal of mine since I was young very very young. It just was never in the cards at the time. Upbringing of the oldest child, example of the family and all that bull.

(okay a little winded to get to a point.) I simply have always known that I am more of a woman than a man. But not a full woman. My shrink had a migraine once when I first talked to her about this years ago. Though county shrinks really only pushed mood altering pills. Least back then. Not so sure about these days. But this lead to a new issue. Working the process to transition between genders, but maintain a semblance of both has isolated me lately among many of my gay friends. And this is what I want to breach in conversation. I have noticed that among many gays and lesbians their is a bias against transgenders. And working to understand this has been a bit of a headache. And I feel where I stand right now wanting to maintain a balance of both genders will generate more hmm stress for me among my friends and family. Is it a wrong idea to seek a balance in the body but identify as female least in spirit and action even if the body does not wholly fit? (not to mention the full trans surgery scares the living daylights out of me.) So asking for creative discussion If this topic fits here.

Thank you For taking the time to read over this and if so respond.

Joye.

Hi Niko,

I don't have much practical advice for you on this. I did want to post though and let you know you have the support and understanding of at least one person. :)


As for how other gays view you, take it like you take straight people viewing you. It's their bias and their own shortcomings that is causing the conflict there. Not you. There is nothing wrong with you. You are right. I want to say that again. You are right.

You may not be like all the other people around you, but as a Gay Pagan, I can tell you that is okay. As long as you are true to yourself and how you feel and what makes you happy, you are doing the right thing.


I wish you well and great happiness in whichever destiny you find yourself. :)

Unfortunately, a lot of people, even within the glbt community, don't understand the differences between transgenders, cross dressers, transvestites or drag queens. This often leads to misunderstandings, prejudices or worse. They also don't know the pains of going through a transition. Its unfortunate that they don't understand what you're going through, but that's not your fault. I'm lucky enough to have known several transgenders and have them as friends. They've educated me and shown me how life is different for transpeople.

There was a time not too long ago where gender roles where much stricter than than they are now; when men worked and women raised the kids, men wore the pants and women wore skirts and dresses. Luckily, we've progressed past that point and its okay for men to cry and women to cut their hair short. I think one of the best parts of being part of the glbt community is being able to find the happy medium between gender roles that we're comfortable with. That as a man, I'm not bound by what society thinks of how I should act or behave, so no I don't think its weird at all for you to try to find your own place too. The most important thing is for you to be comfortable with yourself.

I hope that answers your question.

Unfortunately, you are going to get a lot of pushback from gays and lesbians. The oppressed become the oppressors. Climb over them to the folks who are going to support you.

I know you're stuck out in Bootlick Nowhere. I've been there too. The only support I could find was online--and it saved my life. I'd look for whatever transgender/genderqueer support programmes online that you can. Discover that you're not alone.

And if you can get out of Bootlick Nowhere, to a place where you can breathe and exist, do so at your earliest opportunity. That saved my life, too.

You're in my thoughts, and I will think on this some more.

And if you ever just want someone to listen, hit me up in-game or drop me a message on here.

Peace

*hugs*

thank you everyone for the replies and support. HUGS!!!

You are quite welcome. :) Just remember, you deserve support and fairness and generosity just like everyone else. :)

I will attempt to address this with a degree of sensitivity, I apologize in advance if I make a complete hash of it.

First off, my feeling about transgendered and/or cisgender if you prefer. I believe very strongly that the next great civil rights fight will be on behalf of trans/cisgendered folks. I will be right there next to you in that fight, I think gays and lesbians who look down on transgender folk are just as bad as (most) white folk were about African-American civil rights. It's just plain wrong. It is te height of hypocrisy to seek your own civil rights and look down on others.

I have been, over the course of my life, a volunteer crisis counselor for the various LGBT centers in the cities I have lived in, I also support and volunteer for the Trevor Project. In the course of those years I have had a fair number of transgender callers who were feeling isolated and alone, and even suicidal at times. All I can do is to tell you that you are not alone.

I grew up in the rural South of the US, and believe me it was not easy to be gay in a town where gun racks, confederate flags, and rodeos were ubiqutious. As others have mentioned, get out of there as fast as you reasonably can.

Most major US cities have LGBT centers and they offer support for trans/cisgender folks. They should be the first resource you reach out to, if only to get a list of transgender support groups and organizations that will help you with your transition to your actual gender (obviously not your birth gender). I can say nothing about the surgery and physical transition, but now 36 major US universities assist in gender reassignment (if this is the road you choose to take).

In the meantime use the internet to your advantage. Look carefully for accredited agencies that have online support for trans/cisgender folks. This process is the last thing you want to entrust to "fly-by-nighters" and they do exist. Be careful. If you have any questions, ask me or the others here who support you. I have no problem helping you find an accredited organization willing to help.

Finally, a special note on families. I am sorry to say that there are going to be people in your family that will not or do not understand what you are going through. Some of them will try to "help," others will discard you. I know this is hard to read, but don't let that discourage you. Hold onto the ones that cherish you and do your best to be shut of the folks who do not understand and do not want to understand you. I had to break ties with certain people in my family because they were simply toxic. You can seek to mend fences once you are ready, but not before.

Most important, be true to yourself. I and many others here will accept you and do accept you as part of our family.

Warmest regards and a big ,

~Jeff
aka Lorenius